we're blogging at a bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
