we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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