cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
