I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
