There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
