I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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