Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
