well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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