No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
