I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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