That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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