my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
