He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
