So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
