Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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