Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
