I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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