I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
