Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
