i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
