where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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