And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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