new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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