A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
