Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize