Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
