Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize