So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize