dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
