why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
