Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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