what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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