My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
