bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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