life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
