he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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