I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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