I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
