Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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