you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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