Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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