we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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