Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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