how can u be prego again
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
