All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize