Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
