I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
