Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
