I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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