The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
