guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
