Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
