I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
