Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
