Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
