After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
