You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
