i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
