Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
