she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
