just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
