My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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