Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
