So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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