come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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