how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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