weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
