Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
