If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
