DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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