Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
