Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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