Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize