i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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