After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
